Kinky Baler

And why green is my favorite color.

I like. Why can’t men be more like you, Johnny?

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I’m only happy when it rains
You wanna hear about my new obsession
I’m riding high upon a deep depression
I’m only happy when it rains

- Only Happy When It Rains - Garbage

I’m not promoting eating disorders or anything, but I’m kinda looking at my bulimia in a different light. Because eating has been so P A I N F U L , I’ve lost a lot of appetite, which means I’m saving more money and losing a lot of weight (I know it’s bad, very bad, so screw me).

The best part though - it’s the best excuse when anyone asks why I’m crying. ("No, it’s just my bulimia hurting me.")

Ten years before:

- knapsacks, cylinders, high waists, sablay hair, sablay clothes, sablay boys, SMBs (Style. Mo. Bulok.)

+ New version of us

-> 10 years hufter.

Eli: What are you giving me for my birthday, Papa?

Papa: Let’s see. I gave you a wallet. I brought you to the hospital and paid for your medications. I’m taking you to dinner tonight. What else do you want me to give you? I can give you my heart.

Eli: But your heart is already broken. Who wants a broken heart?

Papa: Who wants to give away an unbroken heart?

Sometimes because there’s no one else.

Peyton: No practice today? (Lucas doesn’t answer and hands Peyton her sketch book and her car keys.)
Peyton: What are you stalking me?
Lucas: I thought someone should see them.
Peyton: Well it’s none of your business.
Lucas: You know what? You’re right. It’s none of my business. I wouldn’t know anything about it.
Peyton: I know you don’t.
Lucas: Look, just tell me why you didn’t submit them. You’re stuff is good.
Peyton: Not good enough.
Lucas: Look, Peyton, why not?
Peyton: I want to draw something that means something to someone! You know. I want to draw blind faith, or a fading summer, or just a moment of clarity. It’s like when you go and see a really great band for the first time and nobody is saying it but everybody is thinking it. We have something to believe in again. (pause) I want to draw that feeling…but I can’t. And if I can’t be great at it, then I don’t want to ruin it. It’s too important to me.
Lucas: Yeah, me too.
(Peyton gets in her car.)
Lucas: What about your sketch book?
Peyton: What about them? They don’t mean anything to anybody do they?

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Lucas: (to Peyton) Your art matters! It’s what got me here.

Swithblades and Infidelity. 

Walking out on the show was walking out on you.
And walking out on you was the best thing that I ever did.
Last night I saw my world explode.

- Fall Out Boy, "Swithblades and Infidelity"

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And I am Fall Out Girl.

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The Cosmos telling me:

"You can’t be friends. And you can’t be Supergirl."

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Are you happy now, Cosmos?

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The truth is I can’t be with you like this. I mean, I know I said that I could, but I can’t. I just can’t compromise myself like that. I mean I’m an emotional person. I feel things and I need to be able to get upset and talk about how I’m feeling. I mean that’s just…that’s who I am and I can’t change it. I don’t want to. And the thing is you know that, you knew it and you still pursued me because you want something with me, you just aren’t strong enough to have it which…in a way makes you a coward. And the saddest part is that…one day you’re gonna wake up and you’re gonna realize what you missed and it’s gonna be too late.

Finally. It’s over! The sleepless nights, the overwork, the broken hearts. But given the chance, I’d do everything all over again

Best thing about this sem? The Chicken Joys and the adrenaline rush. Can’t wait for next sem to start.